Twenty-Something Angst

This is the time of year when transfer students show up on campus. There is a big info fair that includes lunch and whatnot and tours and course registration and so on and so forth.

I stood at our info table a couple days ago. I was next to another table where the person working the table was there... and joined by a friend. I don't think the friend ever stopped talking. 

Let's see.... she mentioned her non-gay gay friend. Basically, a straight dude who liked to shop. She graduated and is broke and apparently doesn't like one of her roommates. She discovered the show Girls from a friend (possibly the non-gay gay friend) and she really wanted the friend she was sitting with it to see it because it was so her and so them and they could so identify with it. But watch Tiny Furniture before, because it's the same girl who plays the main character in Girls (she didn't know names). It was about girls who had just graduated and they were broke and it was just so very good. 

I've blogged about Girls before. I like it. I wasn't sure at first. I warmed up to the characters. (Shoshanna being my favorite and realizing that the character Adam is really a decent human being. And cringing at Hannah's twenty-something selfishness. And being amazed at how much Jessa reminded me in looks and personality of my friend Cori.) But all around, what drew me into the series was the relationships between the friends. I think how they react to each other, how they hurt each other, and how they love each other is fairly real. 

But, this girl at the info fair, I so badly wanted to turn to her and say, "You and your generation didn't invent angst. You aren't the first to feel adrift after college. You aren't the first to move back in with your parents because you had no other choice. You aren't the first to resent the generation before you."

Us Gen Xers did the same thing. We resented the Boomers before us. Most my friends weren't the kids of Boomers and we knew we fell between two large generations--meaning we'd be forgotten. We moved back home because we didn't know what else to do. And even then, the parents of a high school friend of mine told me--when I was feeling like a failure for moving home--that when they were my age, most of their friends (themselves included) moved back in with their parents in order to save money and get started on their lives. And most of their friends were married when they moved home. And when talking about it with my mom--living with her, working minimum wage job--she told me she thought me and my generation were doing it the right way. We were taking the time to figure out what we wanted first. Her generation did it the other way: They did things because they were supposed to, finding out too late that what they were supposed to do wasn't what they wanted. 

So, basically, I wanted to turn to this girl and tell her that she wasn't special. Neither were her friends. Everyone goes through this crap. But I didn't.

I didn't want to be that Get-off-my-lawn kind of person. Or the back-when-I-was-your-age person. But it did make me think back to an afternoon in 1993, I sitting in some fast food restaurant with my BFF, trying to decide if I should drop out of grad school. This was a big deal since going to grad school was the only thing I had wanted for two years. And now I wanted out. I was tired. I was burned out. I just wanted a job. But did dropping out mean I was a failure? 

• Sitting there, moping, I asked: "Why does life have to be so hard?" 
• BFF said: "If life were easy it would be boring."
• I responded: "Who said that? Because that's bullshit."
• BFF: "You did. You said it to me [during a particularly bad break up she went through a year earlier]."
• Me: "Yeah? Well, then it's fucking brilliant. I'm fucking deep."

Not long after that, I withdrew. I made an expensive mistake, but it was the right decision. I moved home. It took me two years to find a steady job. And it sucked. Seriously sucked. But it set me up for what turned out to be a pretty decent life. 

So, there you go, Girl at Info Fair. Your angst is real. It's legit. But don't let it take over your life. Learn from it. Grow. Push yourself. But, remember: You aren't the first group of twenty-somethings to go through this.