I was at the desk today when a late-middle-aged man came into the library. He was carrying a briefcase. He stood directly across from me with his back turned towards me. He put the briefcase on a ledge and opened it.
In a split second, I got very still. I quickly realized I was holding my breath. I didn't take my eyes off of the man. I had one thought running through my mind, "Does he have a gun?"
He didn't. He pulled out a piece of paper and went to a computer to look stuff up. This all happened in an instant--probably about thirty seconds. But still....
I'm not sure how I feel about my gut reaction. Part of me thinks it was a good thing. I work in public service, I work at a public desk. Part of my job is to notice the unusual, to notice the things that others might not, and to be prepared if, god forbid, something bad happens. Yet part of me was very disappointed that this was my first thought.
Have I become so bitter and frustrated with mankind that I immediately suspect the worst? As recently as a couple of years ago, I doubt I would have even noticed this guy. But with things like the recent shooting in Binghampton and, of course Virginia Tech, being a person on the front line of a public space means being very aware and maybe even a little suspicious.
I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
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