Homesick

Every once and a while I get a flash of homesickness. My first fall down here I got really homesick. I missed the tree colors. I missed the smell of fall. I missed the feeling in the air--that feeling of the complete changing of the season, not spring to summer, but that feeling of everything going dormant and getting cool. I love that feeling. To me, fall begins in September. Here is begins in November--at least what I think of fall. If the air conditioner is running, it isn't fall.

So that first fall was hard. I still miss the Midwest, though. A lot of people in my neighborhood use fireplaces, and when they do it is somewhat comforting. It reminds me of fall/early winter way up north--that's when everyone starts using their wood burning stoves. But the difference is the feel. Up north the air is cool and crisp; down south the air is still humid and muggy. It just isn't the same.

But the biggest moment, the moment that really hit me, was last night. I was walking out of the store, and I happened to look up at a street light. It was a little foggy so there was a light haze around the light. For a split second it almost looked like it was snowing. I love that--I love the look of snow in the street lights at night. It's black with a slight hazy whiteness in the air, and the only place you can really see the snow coming down is in the light from a street lamp. I miss the look and feel of a snowstorm. I liked watching it snow and walking in the snow. I loved the crisp, cold air. The snow muffles everything--it's quiet except for a few shovels and snow plows. As it snows, everything is covered in a few inches of fresh, white show. It is amazingly peaceful.

I never thought I would miss winter and snow as much as I do, but I do. And when it is Thanksgiving and still warm (I consider anything above 40 degrees warm/mild), it's weird. Even after four years I am not accustomed to the weather. My internal calendar is still set to Midwest. Right now, my body thinks thinks it's September. I guess it makes sense--I sent 33 years in the Midwest and only four in the South.

I don't like the summers--I don't like the heat. But it's this time of year when I feel like I don't belong. I don't think 60 degrees is cold. I leave my windows open until it is consistently in the upper low 30s/upper 20s at night. I don't think 30 degrees is cold. I have a hard time going to friends' houses because the heat is on and I get too warm. I walk into businesses and go, "Oh my god it's hot in here" without even thinking about the fact that to natives of this area, it really is cold. I have to force myself not to roll my eyes when people talk about how cold it is. I love the cooler weather. When others are missing the sunlight and warmth of summer, I am just happy it's fall-like. This is when I get the most homesick because I know it will never turn into real winter.

It's interesting, though, how the "grass is always greener." When I was up north I liked snow, but I only liked it when I had nowhere to go. Driving five hours in a snowstorm? Not cool. Regularly commuting twenty miles in snowstorms? Definitely not cool. I grew up driving in the snow. I took driver's ed spring semester, so I started driving in snow (even though I had been driving for two years before that). But after losing two friends in accidents partially based on weather, driving in snow can be intimidating. So, as I look back up north and see the snow moving across the state of Iowa, I'm jealous--really jealous. But I am also relieved that I don't have to deal with it while traveling for Thanksgiving. Shortly before Christmas I will get tense, waiting to see if weather will, once again, disrupt my travel plans. But getting snowed in? Awesome. It's just fun. School is canceled, you can't make it to work. You just hunker down for a day until the roads are cleared.

I guess all Midwesterners have a little bit of farmer in them. Farmers live and die by the weather--much of their income is based on something they have no control over. Because of that it is their favorite thing to talk about--and to complain about. I guess that is why so many Midwesterners--including myself--have such a love-hate relationship with the weather. It can be a real pain in the ass, but we really don't know what to do without it. Unlike the Southern weather. I have yet to find anything to love about four weeks of 100 degree temperatures or constant humidity.

But I guess that's just me.