My BFF

I guess I have a BFF. It seems strange to say something like that when you are 40 years old creeping up on 41. Not including family, she's known me longer than anyone except for probably two other people.

BFF and I met in college. If you read back on this blog, that shouldn't surprise you. I went to a small public university so I had seen her on campus several times before I met her--I thought she was an odd duck. And that is saying a lot since I shaved 75% of my head and dyed the rest of it various shades of red from purpley-red to fuchsia to whatever shade of Clairol was on sale at Wal-Mart. But she was an amazon. Really. She was ginourmously tall. And the first time I passed her in the student union I thought, "Well, she's a Molly Ringwald wanna-be." Also funny coming from me since when I was in high school I was constantly told I looked like Molly Ringwald.

She was dating someone who was part of my circle of friends. I knew who she was but I don't think we were formerly introduced until the beginning of sophomore year while sitting on the roof of a friend's house. It's where we both found out we were history majors and that we had at least one class together. We made plans to study together.

Before each of our exams we would find a study room in the library and hunker down for the night. We would set aside the first hour to talk. We knew the same people but didn't really hang out a lot. So, we'd gossip or we'd talk about our problems. It was easy since we each were kind of an impartial third party. By setting aside the time, we could get all the talking out of our system so we could concentrate on what we needed to study.

Thing is, our talks began to get more personal. We began spending more time together. We took more classes together. We started hanging out. Next thing I knew, she and I (and her fiancée) were completely inseparable. BFF was, and is, very maternal. She'd cook for me and others. She baked chocolate chip cookies. She was always there when you needed her.

All these years, we're still friends. That's not to say that our friendship hasn't shifted, exhaled, inhaled, and changed. It has. Like any sort of relationship, there have been challenging times. But in the end, we've been through a lot together. I know if I need to cry on someone's shoulder, even if I haven't talked to her in two years (which has happened), I can call her in tears, and she will listen.

I saw BFF while I was in Iowa over Christmas. And you know what? It was glorious. Last time I saw her was May 2006. I know because I was back for my stepbrother's high school graduation. We spent the afternoon wandering around downtown Iowa City. A lot has happened since then. Her little girl is in kindergarten. She ended a long-term relationship. My dad died. I moved cross country. We've both changed jobs at least once. We've both faced our own personal challenges.

We wandered around downtown Iowa City some more with me picking at her every step of the way. At one point we had the clerks in some store laughing at us because of how we talk to each other. We talked about our lives. About family. About boys (or girls... she's into girls). We talked about the past. And the future. She spent the night at my mom's place, and we stayed up until almost 3:00 AM talking about all the same things.

Yes, it was glorious. I missed her. I mean really missed her.

And I wished I was closer.

I've been running into that feeling a lot. I wish I lived closer to the people who know me best. I'm not saying I am moving or that I will be moving. But the more I go back to the midwest, the more I realize that is where my people are. It's where I'm from. It's a large part of who I am. But I am still not sure I want to go back.

So, until then, I look forward to the possibility of my BFF coming to visit me and to me showing her my favorite places in the area and finding some new ones while she is here. And maybe, just maybe, in the near future, I will find myself relocating back to the area I thought I had left behind.