Leaving Will be Hard

I hate this town. I really do. I feel like it has sucked the life out of me. I feel like I am suffocating in this town. But leaving will still be hard.

Why? The people. Over the last year I realized I have a lot of friends. They're a good group. They're a diverse group. And they are imaginative, creative, funny, fun, and all around nifty. It also amazes me how easy it was to make friends here, how easy it to was to develop a sense of community. Part of it was due to what I don't like about this town--it's small and isolated. There isn't a lot to do so you have to make your own fun. Very few academics are from where they work, so you immediately have something in common with each other: Where are you from? Where did you go to school? Where were you before here? And we're all stuck here, so we all support each other.

Friday night I went to dinner with friends to celebrate a birthday. Then we all headed to the Grown Up Bar in town. We played Trivial Pursuit. We made fun of an Incredibly Drunk Visiting Professor because he was too drunk to know we were making fun of him (and we eventually got him a cab home before he puked or passed out... or both). We laughed a lot. We had the place to ourselves since students are gone.

And then I said goodbye to some people.

I'm not good with goodbye. People are always the hardest thing to leave behind, and I know this will be difficult. I think this is the best group of people I've had in my life since I was an undergrad. This is the longest I have lived in one place since I graduated from college. And leaving these people is something I have been trying not to think about. They are what has made this place enjoyable. But this last year my dislike for the town outweighed my love for my friends. That's when I knew it was time to leave.

And it is. But saying goodbye to a couple of friends last night was more difficult than I thought. Academics travel, so our paths will cross again. I will see my library friends at conferences (and I will probably continue to share a room with ME). But it's hard to let go of people that have been part of your life for more than four years.

A friend is hosting going away party for me next weekend. I expect it to be fun and sad. But I have to leave. I can't stay here. Starting over is never easy, but it is something I need to do. I just wish I could take them with me.