Ordering Coffee

I live in the land of fancy coffee. I drink black coffee. Just coffee. No sugar, no cream. Black.

How do you order black coffee in the Land of Coffee? "I need a 12 [or 16] ounce drip dark roast no room." The thing I refuse to do is use the stupid sizes--grande, tall, whatever. I don't know which one of those is a 12 or 16 ounce. I just know it's dumb. You know that scene in Role Models where Paul Rudd goes apeshit about ordering a large coffee? Yeah, that's how I feel about coffee sizes.

I need to be careful, though. I found out the best way to not blend in up in Canada is to order a 12 ounce coffee, because a 12 ounce coffee in Canada is a 375 milliliter coffee.

My point? I caught a Dunkin' Donuts commercial advertising a free medium coffee every Monday in March. And I thought, "What size is a medium?"

I'm doomed.