Things I've been doing/thinking

• I'm still unpacking. Those last four boxes are mocking me. 

• I attended the wedding of some friends. In August. It was the same weekend I moved and I had decided I wasn't going to go. But after some shuffling of hotel rooms, I went. I'm glad I did. It was small and low-key and a really nice get away. A saw some people I have known (via email) for years but never met. And I got to see my good friend K marry the love of his life. After seeing him go through a very nasty divorce ten years ago, it was nice to see the other side. 

• I met my above-mentioned friend's ex-wife. Since I always swore that if I ever met her she would find one of my Doc Martens planted squarely in her ass, my friend found it interesting that I spent so long talking to her. She is very personable and I liked her (new) husband. But what my friend didn't know was that in my head I ended every sentence I said to his ex with, "...you fucking bitch."
• I went back to my Old Stomping Grounds for the second time in six months. I went to homecoming. After going back for Bruce's memorial, I hadn't planned on going back again this year. But after cashing in some frequent flier miles, I got a fairly cheap ticket. I graduated from college 20 years ago... It seemed like a good time to go back.

• I wish I could say it was a massive drink-fest, but it wasn't. We sat around a friend's living room, talking, drinking some, laughing, and just being. Three of us slept on couches and air mattresses in the living room. We giggled like 13 year olds. It was pretty great. 

• I turned in my tenure file. 

• Yes, after almost ten years and two different universities, I finally applied for tenure. 

• I can't even begin to describe the relief. 

• I finally became a member of our local art theatre. I've seen some good films.
• In the Fog. I didn't like it at first. I grew frustrated by the artiness of it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. My opinion of it has changed. It's haunting
• The Grandmaster. Also, I had an initial reaction to the close-up shots of water dripping off hats, railing and whatever else. But I got into it. 
• Big Star: Nothing to Can Hurt Me. After seeing Big Star in Chicago, I figured I should see this. I have to admit, I thought it dragged in places, but I still liked it. 
• Enough Said. I adored this. It was delightful. And lovely. And wonderful. It was bittersweet since it was James Gandolfini's last film and he was great. I liked Julia Louis Dryfus's character because she was incredibly flawed, yet she always meant well.
• Muscle Shoals. A documentary about the Muscle Shoals sound. Lots of good music. The guy in front of us seemed to be mad we (and others) were tapping our feet. He eventually left in a huff (after telling a friend to stop tapping her feet). Listen, jackass, it's a documentary about R&B music. If you aren't tapping your feet, you're dead. Also: Every time Keith Richards spoke, the entire theatre giggled because, seriously, how is he still alive?

• One afternoon while taking the garbage out, I had one simple thought: I really like living here. I belong here. 

Catching Up

So, my life has calmed down a little. Well, it wasn't really all that hectic, but there were a few things that had become big time sucks. When I wasn't working on the time-suck project, I was thinking about it. And being a midwestern half catholic, trying to do something relaxing or "wasteful" when I knew I needed to work on the time-suck project made me feel guilty.

Well, the time-suck project is done, and this has been the first week without the time-suck project dragging me down. And even though for a time I only worked on it while I was at work (it was a work-related project), I thought about it while I was doing other things. And once classes started, I only worked on it on the weekends.

But now it's over. And just knowing it is over has been much more of a relief than I thought. It's no longer the dominant thing in my head (but it's still there), and I don't have to plan my weekends around it. So, over the last week I have gone back to my more normal do-whatever-I-want schedule.

This is what I have done:

• Watched TV, both semi-smart and incredibly dumb
• Had dinner with friends
• Gone to our local indie-theatre twice where I saw In a World (awesome) and Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me (it dragged at times, but it was still good). Have I ever mentioned how much I love our little indie theatre? I do. It was a shitty little rec-room-like theatre that has morphed into a two-screen center that is pretty great. 
• Dragged out my knitting projects
• Watched football

And right now I am sitting outside on my little landing/balcony enjoying what is probably one of the last sunny weekends of the year.

I love having do-whatever-I-want time.

Overshare

Sometimes I overshare. Mainly it's because I talk a lot, but sometimes I just say shit I shouldn't. Other times I don't say enough because I just don't feel like it. But, whatever, that's my deal.

Well, today I went to the eye doctor. I don't have bad eyesight but I need glasses for driving, and watching TV and movies. Because my eyesight rarely changes, I go to the eye doctor when I need new glasses. I like my frames a lot, but they're six years old and getting a little warn out. And my lenses are so scratched I'm surprised I can see through them.

Anyway.... The eye doctor. After a twenty-minute check-up I know more about him than I know about some of my friends. He got divorced last year. He lost his house. He commutes a long way but figures it's penance for how crappy his life has been. He feels he's lucky to be working where he does, and he's happy there. He's been there about a year. He has three dogs. His dad was in the building industry. He likes being an optometrist because he's good at it and it's easy (and he's glad he's not in the building industry, like his dad). He has family in Mississippi. He lived in Memphis, Nebraska, California, but is from the east coast. Oh, and he hates the dentist. And the Washington rain is a bit much for him, but he thinks that is partly because he sits a lot. He needs to get his blood flowing.

In between all of these personal factoids, he told me my eyes were made for being a librarian because I have perfect eyesight for reading, and he doesn't even think I will need reading glasses. (And by the way, he asked, do I like being a librarian? It must be very rewarding. People using computers and reading are what keeps him in a job, so he likes libraries.) My left eye is worse then my right eye, and my right eye is almost perfect (always has been). I have little to no astigmatism and this amazes him. Even though I think I am blind (because my eyes were perfect for so long), he says my eyesight is pretty spectacular.

Despite the oversharing, I found him oddly endearing.

And, by the way, I got some pretty great horned-rim frames from Jonathon Cate called Lustre Lady (page 3, in wine/silver; I almost got the polka dot frames). I found some spectacular leopard print frames, but they didn't work with my non-existent nose. And while I was told this place had the best and cheapest selection in town, I chose some of the most expensive frames they had. Of course.

Blerg

I had to work late last night. Yes, on Halloween. I trade-off Monday night desk duty with a colleague, and since he has little kids, I knew he'd want to take them trick-or-treating. And me? I didn't really care.

I've been feeling crappy lately. Sore. Tired. You know the drill. But I have recently increased my workout at the gym, and I'm usually tired. But over the weekend I was in bed by 10pm each night because I just could not stay awake. 1) That's not normal for me, a natural night person. 2) I live the high life.

I left work last night and ohmygod it felt like the coldest weather I'd ever felt in my life. I have no clue what the temp was, probably in the 30s. For a native upper-midwesterner, 30s in October should be a cake walk. But it felt so cold it hurt.

An hour later I was lying in bed, shivering violently. I stumbled out of bed and found my Kroger thermometer. I had a fever of 100.

It's nothing major, 100 degrees is pretty low-grade, but it was high for me since my body temp is usually 97-point-something. So I reached in my medicine cabinet for my trusty store-brand nyquil. Empty. Normally, I'd be all, "Noooooo!!!!!," but my throat hurt and I didn't have much of a voice left. Ugh.

What the fuck? Who runs out of store-brand nyquil? This person. Y'all, it was like my own personal hell.

What did I do? Load up on ibuprofin (fever and pain reducing) and then grab some melatonin to sleep. It kind of worked but not nearly as well as faux-nyquil would've.

My temp is down but still a little high. For now, I'm rocking an ibuprofin and faux-sudafed combo, hanging out on the sofa hoping the pounding in my head will stop so I can go back to sleep.

*edit* I stayed home again today because my throat hurt even more and the pounding in my head was unbearable. But, unfortunately, I realized I had to run up to work to get something. What was supposed to be a quick run up to campus (where I kept telling people, "I'm not here; you didn't see me") turned into an hour and a half that included a quick meeting and some gossiping. I was telling some friends about running out of nyquil and one of them gasped and asked, "Why were you at the night club?" Followed by, "Why didn't you ask me to come along?" It was a conversation so entertaining it made my day.

When are you going to pull my tooth?

About six years ago I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled. Yes, just one. And yes, I still had them. I had one pulled because it had a cavity in it and the tooth in front of it needed a crown. I couldn't afford to pull all my wisdom teeth and pay for a crown, so I just did what I needed to do. My dentist said he could pull the tooth, but, and I quote, I "wouldn't like that." No, I would not.

So a week or so later, I had the one tooth pulled. I had it pulled at the local oral surgeon, because there was no way anyone was pulling anything without knocking me out first. As I sat in the chair, the oral surgeon was talking, talking, and talking. Something about LaCrosse, Wisconsin. Next thing I know, someone was saying my name, and I woke up and asked, "When is he going to pull my tooth?" The assistant replied, "Oh, sweetie, he already did."

During my regular dental check-up, my dentist said I needed to have the rest of my wisdom teeth out sooner rather than later. I was hoping to avoid it for a little while longer, but I knew I had to face it. I also knew I had one that was impacted--something else I didn't want to deal with. But after a consult with the oral surgeon, I was told they would leave the impacted one since it isn't causing any problems and it's in an awkward position. Given my age, he told me, there was a good chance I would keep it the rest of my life. And the other two? Those are simple, he said. They could be pulled just using a local anesthetic. Uh, no, no they couldn't.

Appointments were made, and Thursday, I had two wisdom teeth pulled. Like my other experience, I remember the IV (with the anesthesia) going in. I remember the doctor saying that would be the worst part. I remember the nurse giving me the oxygen mask. And then I remember thinking, "What if this doesn't work and I don't go to sleep?"

Next thing I know the nurse talking to me, and I'm responding. I am pretty sure I was talking to her without realizing it. I don't remember what we were talking about but I kept wondering when this was all going to go down. And then I realized I had a mouth full of gauze. And then I asked, "Wait, did he already pull my teeth?"

Deja vu. Yes, he had.

Part of me wishes I could give you a day by day blow of what happened later, but, well, I can't. It isn't too exciting. I considered asking someone to take my phone away from me so I wouldn't send any vicodin-influenced text messages. I don't think I did. A few hours after I got home, someone from the oral surgeon called to see how I was doing. She seemed surprised that I answered the phone. I had some questions for her, and she commented how together I seemed. What she didn't know was that while I was talking to her I kept poking myself in the face, thinking, "I can't feel my face..." And then the Novocaine (yes, I know they don't use that anymore, but whatever) wore off and holy mother of god, it hurt. One vicodin seemed to last about three hours. I slept like shit that night because I'd wake up when the pain pills wore off. At one point I checked my phone, read an email I didn't understand, and tried to forward it to someone who might be interested... and then I woke up with my phone still in my hand with several email addresses in the "to" field that shouldn't be there. I closed my email, put the phone down, and went back to sleep. It was for the best.

I tried to watch TV, but I kept falling asleep. I turned on a marathon of America's Next Top Model: the comfort food of reality TV (It was the season of the "petite" model). There always seems to be a marathon on when I am stuck home and on pain killers of some sort. I tried to listen to my friend JC on the radio Friday night, but I kept falling asleep. At the end of the shift he texted to see what I thought of his set, and, well, I had no clue since I kept fading in and out the whole time. I tried to read, but I kept falling asleep. You get the picture.

I tried to go pain-pill free on Saturday. I took a handful of Tylenol. It worked for a little while until I gave in to the pain pills when I tried to eat. I felt the need to at least attempt to be productive, so I did laundry. And while trying to be productive, I locked myself out of my place--just as the Tylenol began to wear off.

Awesome.

But, really, the only thing that was terrible was only being able to eat soft food and being stuck inside for three days. I have gone pain-pill free all day today and survived. I got out and went to one of our newest grocery stores with a fairly large vegan section where I spent too much money--then came home and fell asleep. It was a little more than I could handle.

At one point I started a blog post in my head. It was drenched in vicodin, so I am sure it was much more entertaining than this one. But because it was thought up during a vicodin haze, I have no clue what it was about.

So it's finally spring (almost summer)

It's been a rough fall, winter, spring in the Pacifical Northwest. The clouds seemed even more oppressive. The rain seemed to last longer. And the fog was thicker. I've been here three years (three years tomorrow, actually), and I have considered buying one of those sun lamps several different times. This last winter was the closest I came to it.

Walking home from work a month or so ago. uuuuugggghhhhhh

This year I just couldn't take it. Granted, there were other factors feeding into my seasonal moods. I was homesick. I seriously considered packing it in and moving home for many reasons. I kind of bared my feelings--as bare as someone like me can get, which is still somewhat protected--and was knocked down a peg. Well, ignored. Same thing (or maybe worse). These can all affect a person's mood. And staring out a window at nothing but clouds, fog, and rain doesn't help.

We've had bits of sun. There were a few times where temps were barely in the 30s and I high-tailed it to the waterfront just because the sky was blue and the sun was shining. I remember thinking I would be the only one crazy enough to go down to the water when there was bitter wind blowing out of the Canadian mountains. I was wrong. Everyone and their two dogs were there, too.

But this morning it was glorious. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and it was so bright it almost hurt. And while I was hanging outside, I actually got a little sunburned. My vitamin D-deprived body was grateful.

The view out my door this morning: SUN

It's been a strange year for me, so far. Some of relates to what I stated above. I'm not going into specific details because, well, I don't want to. But after three years I finally feel like I am getting settled here. But at the same time I feel like I have one foot out the door, just waiting for the right job/opportunity to come along closer to home. I still don't know if I would take off for the middle part of the country if given the chance, but I'd consider it for sure.

I am making plans to head back to the middle west in a few months. I want to hit up several different sets of friends in two different states, but ultimately my trip involves two things: The Lake and football. My grandparents built a small two-bedroom cabin on a man-made lake in 1962. They traded in two lots up on a hill for the last lake-side lot shortly after the lake was formed. The new lot was small and pretty much a swamp, but they took it and built a tiny cabin with two small bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, and a galley kitchen. I still don't know if the bedrooms have doors--they didn't the last time I was there. Hell, when I was about five years old (in 1975) I can still remember the place not having ceiling tiles. But if one place would represent "home" to me, the cabin is it. Well, my stepbrother will be coming back from Afghanistan in a few weeks, so we're making plans to spend a long weekend with family at the cabin. You know those times when you let your mind wander and you daydream? Right now, I daydream about sitting on the front porch of the cabin, feet up on the railing, beer in hand. I cannot wait. And football? Well that depends on if there is an NFL season, and if there is, if I can get tickets to the Packers opening game against the Saints.

I feel like I have neglected this blog lately. It isn't that I had things to tell you, dear readers. I did. But there were things I didn't want to share with the rest of the world. I know only a few people read this, but I still didn't feel like putting it all out there. And all this stuff seemed to get in the way of my normal consumption of pop culture. Don't get me wrong, I still ate it all up, but I didn't have the same snarky love for it. I'm hoping to get back up on my judgmental horse very soon. I miss enjoying other people's stupidity.

I got nuthin'

That's not really true. I have come up with all kinds of things I wanted to blog about. Stories from college or high school or from previous jobs and about old friends.... but then I forget. Or I tell myself I will get to it later. And then I forget.

But, see, I've been busy. I wish I could say it was because I've developed some crazy exciting life, but it's not. My worklife has gotten crazy busy and by the time I get home from work and the gym, all I want to do is stare of the TV and drool. That's all I've got left in me.

So... let's see....

American Idol is over. Thank god. Man, that was one shitty season of shittiness. Gross.

The Killing still rocks my world and haunts my dreams...since I tend to watch it right before I go to bed.

I saw Bridemaids and loved it. I mean loved it. I wanted to write something about women in comedy and smart-stupid humor and how we talk to each other and our friendships... but I never got around to it. After watching Bridesmaids, I pretty much can't watch any other movie with female relationships because they all seem so fake and forced. And as far as I am concerned, Melissa McCarthy stole every single scene she was in. Love.Her.

I saw The Hangover Pt 2. I didn't hate it. But I did hate all the douchebags in the theatre.

On a non-TV/movie note: I had bronchitis. And a sinus infection. Again. It sucked, but it wasn't the worst case of bronchitis I've ever had or the worst sinus infection, but they both knocked me on my ass.

I'm Old

I turned 41 on Monday. Forty-one. I survived the first year of my 40s.

So what did I do?

I took a four-day weekend, because the weekend was going to be all about me.

Friday: I had a spa day thanks to my mom. I had a 90-minute massage, a manicure and pedicure. The massage? Heavenly. Ohmygoditwasamazing. I almost fell asleep. And I don't mean doze off, I mean I almost went from awake and relaxed to deep, deep drooling sleep. I had some downtime between my massage and mani/pedi, so I took my copy of Bossypants, relaxed, and read. When did I actually fall asleep? While getting my manicure.

Saturday: I got my hair cut and colored. Just another way to pamper myself. Then I made Black Bean and Butternut Squash Chili to take to a vegan potluck. The recipe says to make it on the stove, but I made it in my slowcooker... but I forgot the slowcooker tends to enhance flavors and spice. So three tablespoons of chili and a jalapeño? Holy shit it was spicy. I've made it before but I didn't have enough shili powder so I just threw in what I had (which was about one tablespoon).

Sunday: Sunday was awesome. A friend and I drove to Seattle for the day to go vegan shoe and chocolate shopping at Chocolate Shoebox: Seattle's only vegan shoe and chocolate store. And I bought a pair of shoes that are not my normal style (they have sparkly bits), but I love them. And the chocolate? I bought chocolate-covered coconut milk caramel sprinkled with sea salt. We made a trip to Lush and the vegan cookie place in the Public Market. It was an amazingly beautiful day. I mean just incredible.

Mt. Rainier over Qwest Field

Between the shoe store and the Public Market, we went to Plum for lunch. Plum is a vegan bistro in Capital Hill and it was some of the best food I have ever had in my life. After I was done I told my friend I wanted to lick my plate and then order another one. We were in Seattle to see David Sedaris at Benaroya Hall that night. We seriously considered going back to Plum for dinner, it was just that good.

Plum Sangria

Chili-encrusted seitan with mole sauce served over cucumber and plantains with rice and black beans. So good I can still taste it.

As I said, we were there to see David Sedaris. I saw him at ALA about six years ago, but I could only stay for half of his reading, so I was very excited. He did not disappoint. He read one essay about learning another language, specifically German and then veered off into being in Germany and Germans... Being of solid German stock, speaking less than a tad of German, and having been to (West) Germany, I laughed so hard I cried.

David Sedaris from the nose-bleed seats

Monday: I ran some errands, did laundry, sat on the couch, took a nap at 7:00pm, talked to my brother, and then crashed. I was supposed to see the Corin Tucker Band (Corin Tucker, as in 1/3 of Sleater Kinney). I missed Wild Flag (the rest of Sleater Kinney), but, being old, it's hard to go to shows on school nights. Phosphorescent was on a Monday night. I'm glad I went, but I got home at 1:30am. Work was a challenge the next day. I had a ticket for the Corin Tucker band, but when it came down to it, I couldn't find the energy to get out of my PJs. Or off my couch. I half regret not going, but not really.

On a side note: As Sedaris was answering questions at the end of the night, I got out my phone to take a picture and there was a notification on my phone that Osama bin Laden had been killed. This lead to a frantic checking of MSNBC, CNN, and the NY Times mobile sites. My friends and I huddled around my phone, reading the news, looking dumbstruck at each other, and then reading more. Part of me wanted to yell to the crowd listening to Sedaris: That motherfucker is dead. Holy shit, dead! We talked about it on the drive home... Yes, part of my wanted to pump my fists in the air and yell "Fuck you, you motherfucking son of a bitch." It was like an immediate visceral reaction. But at my core, I was just numb. It's been ten years. It feels so long ago. Part of me feels like I should have some teeny bit of compassion because another person was killed and blah blah blah, but I don't. Not one bit. I have zero sympathy for him, for his family, for anyone connected to him. Zilch. I never thought I would be happy that another person was dead, but I kind of am. Now, I am not comfortable with the freaky celebrations. That was just weird and wrong. But, honestly, I do kind of hope when the Navy SEALS confronted bin Laden they said, "Surrender, Motherfucker." 

What's Been Happening?

I feel like it's been so long since I posted anything of any significance. I've definitely had some things going on over the last two weeks, like....

• Some stuff that might be cool, but not sure if I want to do. 
• Other stuff that came from my mentioning of some stuff. 
• Some other stuff that was a result of me mentioning some stuff and the talk of other stuff. 
• Then there is this stuff that isn't directly related to some stuff, but is kind of a factor. Yet this stuff isn't really stuff right now, there is just the possibility of this stuff. 
• And the Packers are in the Super Bowl

But what did you do?

I took last week off. I know I mentioned that already. But I not only took the week off, I disconnected from work.

Kind of.

Because I am always connected, my idea of disconnecting is probably different than others. I checked my work email. I read some, but not most. I deleted the emails that were junk or that would hold no relevance this week.

And I did nothing. I half-assed cleaned one day. I knit. I napped. I watched TV. I cooked. I did nothing of any great importance. I thought I told people at work I was going to be gone all week, but I guess I only told some of them. Most people assumed I went out of town since it was the holidays.

Nope.

I told people what I did and they seemed confused. Why not leave town? Why not see your family? Because I didn't want to. What did you do?  Whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I needed the time to rejuvenate and hibernate. It's been a stressful quarter for many reasons. I don't feel my job has been all that stressful this quarter, but there has been an underlying feeling of stress in the building, and it has been exhausting. I needed a chunk of time away. A chunk where I didn't have to get on a plane or a train or meet any schedule not under my control.

And you know what? It was great. I went back to work this week with a more energy and a new enthusiasm. I was ready to meet every new challenge. Because I unplugged, I have some catching up to do--and it doesn't bother me one bit.

I need to do this more often.

What I Did Today

• Took my car in to the shop to have the taillight bulb replaced and to have the annoying squeal checked out--again. They called me to tell me they couldn't hear the squeal but they would keep it the rest of the and tinker with it. When I go pick it up they tell me two things: I need new tires and the noise? An oil leak in the AC compressor. The oil is leaking onto the belt and the belt is squealing. The leak can only be fixed by replacing the compressor. But the leak probably means the compressor is on its way out. Not having car AC in these parts is not a big deal. Not having a functioning defrost, however, is a big deal. It is functioning, but at some point, it won't be. This noise started just as my warranty ran out--of course. Now it is far too late. The guy in service is going to see if there is anything else they can do to come up with a cheaper fix. Granted, my car will still run with a busted compressor, but I won't be able to see through the fogged up windows. 
• Witnessed the unbelievable defeat of the one man in politics with any integrity. Witnessed the people of the state that always felt more like home than any other place I have ever lived vote out a man who has never, ever, ever bowed to outside pressure. Watched the state that I was so proud of because of its deep progressive roots vote out Russ Feingold for a man who had never been to DC until he decided to run for office. They voted for a man who tells his employees to sign up for state-funded BadgerCare while he rode the anti-big-government wave (Thanks for that tidbit, Mary). Yes, Feingold lost. Feingold fucking lost. How did I react? I cried. Hey, Wisconsin: What the FUCK were you thinking? Feingold's loss is a blow to the entire country. In 2006, when asked who my ideal presidential ticket was I said, "Feingold/Obama." I love Russ Feingold with every fiber of my being. So, listen to me Ron Johnson: Go fuck yourself. I wish this piece from The Onion weren't so true..... but it is. 
• Decided I am going to spend the next two years drunk. 

Denver Clan

In the mid-80s I was a summer exchange student in what was then West Germany. I grew up in a mid-sized town in Iowa. Okay, for Iowa it was mid-sized, most people would consider it a small town. My whole family was from a very small town south of where I grew up. So, when I went to West Germany, I hoped to be in a city since it would be the complete opposite of everything I knew. Where did I end up? A small rural town surrounded by corn and cows. Like Iowa.

My host family was great. Really. My host father was strange. I'm not going to go into serious details, but he was kind of a man-child. My host mum and host sister? Awesome. Really awesome.

So, it was the mid-80s and American TV and American stuff was all the rage. My host sister was obsessed with James Dean and most of the country was in love with 1950s America. Some company was giving away a 1950s-era Cadillac. I tried to explain to my host sister just how big a Caddy was and how it wouldn't fit anywhere in the country, but she didn't get it--at least she didn't until she came to America a few years later.

Anyway... American TV. Shortly after I arrived, I kept hearing about this American TV show called Denver Clan. Of course I knew Denver Clan, I was told. And the excitement I heard in everyone's voice when Denver Clan was on? Crazy.

Denver Clan? What the fuck? I didn't watch any of the nighttime soaps, but of course I knew what they were, who the characters were and even some of the plot lines. But Denver Clan? Was I missing something?

So, we settled down on Denver Clan night and this is what I saw:



Denver Clan was Dynasty.

I was asked about Denver Clan several times. I was asked about a lot of TV. And other stuff. One guy asked me if I was from New York or Hollywood.* I told him I was from a place in the middle. Then he asked me if I had horses and if there were Indians. Um... Well, no, not in the way you are thinking, I told him

Anyway, what's all this about Denver Clan? Because I spent two days holed up in the Denver suburbs talking about libraries and librarians. It was a good little meeting and I can feel an actual library-related post bubbling away in my head. But in the weeks leading up to the conference, all I could think of was my host sister squealing, "Denver Clan! Denver Clan!"

And you know what's fun (fun in a dorky kind of way)? Reading the German Wikipedia entry for Der Denver Clan converted into English (I used Chrome's translator). 'Cause you read along, it's making sense, and then you read a phrase or title that is just off (George of the Jungle is translated back into George, Who Came from the Jungle).


*While I was in West Germany I met several other American exchange students. One of them was from Dallas. When he told me where he was from, I started laughing. I didn't even have to ask him the natural question before he said, "Yeah, people keep asking me if I know J.R."

The Last 78 Hours

Friday

Woke up in a Nyquil fog. Coughed and wheezed. Watched TV, I don't remember what. Did a little work. Wore myself out making blueberry pancakes. Fell asleep face down on the couch for I don't know how long. Woke up to the A-Team on TV. Live tweeted the A-Team. Nyquilled up and crashed.

Saturday

Ran errands for cat food and people food. Probably should have been sleeping or resting, but I needed both. Coughed and wheezed some, but not as much. Wore myself out. Started to live tweet Footloose but fell asleep on the couch again. Face down. Around 9:00pm decided I should probably eat. Watched High School Musical 3. Yeah, you read that right. Stumbled on it while channel surfing. Figured I should watch it since I've seen the other two while hanging with my nieces. Had to keep rewinding it to follow the storyline. Not sure whether to blame the drugs or screenwriting. Or both. Watched the second half of Footloose. Nyquilled up and crashed.

Sunday

Did laundry and made breakfast. Still coughing but not as much wheezing. It still feels like someone is sitting on my chest. Despite that, consider this progress. Watched Beverly Hills Cop. Did not live tweet. Have made it to 6:00pm without taking a nap. Consider that progress.

I'm living in the fast lane.

Cough Cough Wheeze

So, I have this cough. I had a cough when I was having the sinus issues, but it was that dry-throat cough. About a week ago the cough began to change. This time the cough was different. It was deeper. I noticed some wheezing and rattling. I was still able to go to the gym--until Tuesday. Tuesday night I went to the gym and after I got home it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. But I don't feel bad. My back and sides hurt (from coughing). Other than not being able to stay awake most of the weekend, I didn't feel like you do when you have an infection of any sort.

But this week at work I began to notice it was hard to talk. Not like loosing my voice hard, but I had to catch my breath while talking. And people were beginning to back away from me while I was coughing. "Allergies," I told them. I'd had this happen before. I have general allergies and then I get a cold and it's five times worse than normal because of my allergies. And the pollen count has been through the roof lately.

But there was that damn wheeze. So, this afternoon I called my doctor's office and was able to get an appointment thirty minutes later.

I gave her the whole song and dance: slightly swollen face, dentist, urgent care, etc. (My face is still slightly puffy, but I am probably the only person who notices it, and my sinuses still hurt but not like they did.) I told her I wanted to make sure it wasn't anything more severe.

"Like pneumonia," she said.

What?

She took my oxygen levels. They were fine: 98%. This was good because my body was getting the oxygen it needed. But there was that rattle.

Diagnosis: Walking pneumonia. And told if I didn't feel better in ten days to come back.

So now I have a different round of more powerful antibiotics and a steroid inhaler to go with my albuterol inhaler. And all the other things I'm taking right now. I used the inhaler and took the first round of antibiotics when I got home.

Initially, I was concerned about the oral steroids. I didn't have what I would call an increased appetite when I took the oral steroids (several people told me they were crazy hungry after getting a steroid shot). I do think that the steroids are what kept me going in DC when I was working on two to three hours of sleep each night (stupid time change). But the steroid inhaler? An hour after using it I wanted to eat every damn thing in my kitchen. I was told it wouldn't have much affect at first, so it may have been coincidence. But, seriously, I wanted to eat everything.

So, yeah. I'm officially ill. I'm staying home tomorrow to rest, watch bad TV.... and probably do some work. I do have some deadlines coming up. But this will allow me to sleep in, relax, and work at my own speed, when I feel like it.

Oh, and by the way, never look up an illness online. I'm sure y'all already know that. Hell, I know that. But I do it anyway. WebMD told me walking pneumonia often cures itself but antibiotics will cure it faster. It backed up how I felt. You can often do normal, every day things while you have it. But, that you should treat it like the flu or a bad cold: rest and don't push yourself. It sucks, but you will get better.

But a Google search produced other sites. Some of them said the same as Web MD, but then they would list all the things it could be in addition to walking pneumonia and how those could kill me.

Although, at one point in the last week, while lying in bed, coughing, I remember thinking, "Maybe I have cancer." I knew it was a crazy thought. Like when I had bronchitis several years ago. After about three days of no sleep (due to coughing), I called my dad and said, "I think I'm dying." His exasperated response: "You're not dying." At least my doctor laughed at my cancer comment when I told her and said, "You do not have cancer."

I know.

Major Pharmaceuticals and My Insurance Company:

Thank you.

I'm sure I won't feel this way for long, but right now, you are both my friend. After suffering through some of the worst allergy pain that didn't involve a sinus infection, I went back out to urgent care to get a steroid shot. Several friends at work told me how wonderful steroid shots were and how they worked like magic. So, I found someone to cover my desk hours and high-tailed it back to the clinic. Granted, I'll have to pay for another office visit and all that, but I didn't care.

After talking to the PA again, it was suggested I take a series of oral steroids. There were reasons that made sense at the time but I don't remember what they were. I wanted to know if it would work as fast as the shot, because as I sat there in the exam room, I swear I could feel my face expanding by the second. Plus, it felt like someone had slapped me across both cheekbones. Of course, if I looked in the mirror I just saw a teeny-tiny bit of puffiness that most people didn't notice until I pointed it out to them. The PA assured me it would work just as fast. My next question: Will it make me gain weight? No, she assured me.

By the end of the day the painful pressure was gone. It may be too early to sing the praises of the mix of various drugs I am taking right now, but they alleviated the pain. I still get stuffed up and have what I would call average allergy issues, but I don't feel like I want to claw my face off. Plus, my voice is back. Yay!

And you know what makes it better? When I pick up a prescription and the guy says, "That will be 34 cents." You know how awesome it is to pay for drugs with two quarters and get change back? Pretty fucking awesome. My insurance company is far far far from perfect, but the prescription side of it is A-OK. I should say the inhaler I got yesterday did cost $40, but it will last me until it expires.

On a side note: One reason I am having some pain is that I still have three of my four wisdom teeth. I had one pulled a few years ago because it had a cavity and my dentist told me he wasn't crowning the tooth in front of it until it was pulled. And at that time I could only afford to have one pulled. I'm not sure I can afford to have them all pulled this summer, but I tell you this, Blogosphere, I pledge to have at least two of my wisdom teeth pulled this summer (I say two because the third really isn't a problem right now.) This means I will have to go without a new TV for a while, but this is probably a better investment.

Glerg

I couldn't think of a better way to describe how I have felt the last few days. Tired. Congested. Little to no voice. Just gross.

I woke up Friday morning with no voice, so I emailed in sick. Monday and Tuesday I sucked it up and went back to work. Tuesday night I get home and notice that the left side of my face is a little puffy. It was a subtle puffiness, so I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or if it really was puffy. For long-time readers of this blog, I haven't had good luck when my faces swells up. But unlike last time, It didn't hurt, it isn't throbbing, getting worse, or hot. Basically, it didn't feel like an infection. So... I went to bed.

I woke up this morning with even less of a voice. I haven't been sleeping well due to all of this crap, so I was exhausted. I emailed in sick and went back to sleep. When I woke up I checked my face. It wasn't any worse, but I decided to call my dentist anyway. Since the last time my face got puffy I ended up in the ER and eventually had a root canal, it seemed like a good place to start. Plus, I really like my dentist. I was told to come in at 2:30 and she would take a look.

As soon as I walked in the door she looked at me and said, "Are you swollen?" I told her I thought I was but it was fairly subtle. Then she did the same thing I had been doing since last night. Well, maybe.. or maybe not...... But, she decided to take a couple of xrays to be on the safe side and take a look. She tapped on my teeth and poked around. All was good. She said there was no evidence of any infection or anything. And since I had just been in two weeks ago for a check-up and she said the same thing, I felt pretty good about it.

So, from there I drove out to one of the urgent care clinics in town. I swear, the PA who saw me must've been about twelve years old. But, after some fairly minor tests, he said, "Allergies. Bad ones." No sign of a sinus infection, yet. I asked about the slight puffiness and he said it isn't unusual, but that it was good I went to the dentist to rule that out.

We talked about my options and I decided to try a different type of allergy medicine (Allegra instead of Claritin). He gave me some samples of Cingulair (which I took while in Mississippi), a sample of a stronger type of nasal spray, and a new inhaler. I'll see how that goes for the next couple of weeks. If it doesn't do much to help I'm going to consider a steroid shot.

I'm not a fan of getting a steroid shot, but he said one shot would not give me the main side affect I was worried about: weight gain. I've never gone that route for allergies, but I know a few people who have and they said it was like magic. After suffering through these allergies for a second year in a row, I may give it a try. Since this wasn't my regular doctor's office, I'll probably call my doctor to get her opinion before I go any further.

As I was having my prescriptions filled I realized I hadn't had any coffee yet. As a someone who drinks more coffee than I should, this would explain part of the throbbing headache. And, seriously, y'all, a couple sips of black coffee and my world got just a little bit better. The sign of a true addict.

As I was leaving the pharmacy, a woman was asking people to sign a couple of petitions. One of them I was willing to sign, the other I wasn't. When I finished she asked me if I was familiar with Obama's healthcare. Yes, I said. Was I interested in repealing it? No, I told her. As I began to walk away and she began to turn around, she stopped and turned back towards me and said, in a tone of voice that sounded like she was trying to justify what she was doing, "I'm just doing my job." I nodded and said, "I know."

For some reason, that little interaction made my day.

Randomness

It feels like forever since I posted something, even though I think it's only been a week or so. I've had a few possible blog posts running my head, but I usually decide they aren't worth posting.

So, a few thoughts from the last couple of weeks:

The World Cup

I tried to watch the World Cup. Or at least I tried to watch the USA-England game. Or Match. Whatever it's called. Soccer fans tell me it was a really good game (or match) and how the US should be happy with their tie. I understand that the first round of World Cup games are not elimination games and that advancement to the elimination rounds are based on points earned by the games, not the actual game score. It's like a combination of the NFL season rankings and playoffs all rolled into one. But the USA-England game? It was boring. Seriously. It was one of the dullest sporting events I have ever seen.

Sure, maybe if I knew what was going on and if it wasn't like watching a sport on TV with the sound down while listening to the advancing mass of killer bees descend on your home, it might be fun. But about half-way through the game I started to vacuum. I was in the kitchen sweeping the floor when the US scored that goal that the English goalie was supposed to stop. If the US makes it to the elimination round, I may give it a shot. Until then, I found the highlights reproduced in Legos to be much more entertaining than the actual game. In fact, Legofussball.eu has a whole bunch of soccer games reproduced in Lego form.

I found the Hater's Guide to the World Cup incredibly entertaining, too. Beware, though, it is not for the PC-hearted. (Thanks to Sweet Pickles for bringing it to my attention.)

Shopping

I set out to buy some new jeans. There is a certain store where I like to buy jeans. I've been buying them for several years because they make different styles for different body types. And, honestly, they are the only jeans that I have found that fit well, yet I decided to stop buying them. The last few times I went to the store they only had the petite sizes in the regular jeans--not in the trouser jeans or pants. If I wanted pants they would ship the petite version to my home free of charge.

Listen, if I had wanted to wait five days to get a pair of pants I would have ordered them online while sitting on my couch watching Top Chef. But, no. I made the effort to go to the damn mall to buy them because I wanted them now. But, at least they kept their standard jeans in all three lengths... until now. When I found stores were only carrying the average length of all pants, and that the tall and petite lengths would have to be shipped, I had reached my breaking point. I handed the sales clerk the shirts I had draped over my arm, told her I had been a loyal shopper for twenty years, but that I was done. I walked out, found t-shirts on sale at Kohl's for $5 and bought a pair of Calvin Kleins at Macy's, instead.

Height

All of a sudden, my height seems to have become an issue. If you are my Facebook friend, you saw something I posted about being shocked by how short I am. It's true. I've had several different revelations on my lack of height--because I forget that I'm only 5'0". In college I realized I was shorter than Danny DeVito. And he's short. Once, while hanging out with some old friends, I saw a video clip of one of my dearest and oldest friends and I trying to choose a song on a juke box. Now, this friend is 6'1", so there is a big height difference between us, but I never realized how great that difference was until I saw this video. Because while we were watching it, I asked my friends if I was sitting down, because there was NO WAY I was really that short. (I wasn't sitting down.)

Last week I had to talk to some incoming MBA students. So despite it being the intercession, I wore a blazer. I was in the library restroom, looking at myself in the full-length mirror. I don't know if it was what I was wearing, seeing myself in proportion with the stuff around me, or something else. But all of a sudden, I was like, "Holy shit, I am short. Really short."

Later in the week I was at the grocery store picking up a few things, and I almost had to climb up on the base of the dairy refrigerator to get the soy yogurt I wanted. I was able to stand on my tippie-toes and paw at the yogurt until I got it closer to the edge of the shelf where I could reach it. I have to say I was a little annoyed that a kind stranger didn't offer to help.

Of course I always become extremely aware of my height when shopping for pants, because even the petite sizes are too long for me.

The Mall

I've decided I hate the mall. I don't say that lightly since I used to live in a town where we didn't even have a shitty mall. Actually, we had a faux-mall, but it wasn't even good enough to be shitty. A Penny's and a movie theatre do not make a mall. But the mall in town is your run-of the-mill mall. I has a Target, a Kohl's, a Macy's, and all the kiosks and general mall stores. But whenever I go there I get really hot and dizzy. I decided the mall makes me sick. I'm okay in Target, Kohl's, and Macy's. It's the interior of the mall that does it. Weird.

That's all, for now.

My weekend, so far.

Friday: Leave the library early to attend a thing I was invited to for some odd reason. Introduce myself for what feels like the millionth time as "new faculty" when I've been here for two years. But, when there's an ongoing hiring freeze... two years is new. Pick up some Thai food to go and some groceries. Have a minor fender bender in the parking lot. No one is hurt and the damage is minor, but feel stupid. Almost too upset to eat. Almost. Call insurance company. While eating fried tofu with peanut sauce, spill peanut sauce down the front of shirt, pants... and the cat. Almost burst into tears out of shear frustration.

Saturday: Walk to farmer's market. Buy cupcake for my hairdresser. Buy a chocolate thing from the place with the vegan bakery (it's awesome that she has a booth, but her baked goods are hit and miss). Talk to some friends. Get my hair cut and colored (loooove the new color my hairdresser recommended). Buy new sterling silver bracelet--it's one more thing to take off before going through airport security.

New bracelet

Sunday: Turn a year older, not just any year... 40. Plan on having a day of sloth, celebration will be later in the month. Decide to go to Target. Followed by Kohl's and Macy's where many sales were found. Watch The Breakfast Club, a movie as good now as it was in 1985. Seriously. Think about how much John Hughes is missed, even if he was a recluse and hadn't made a movie in years. During the scene when Carl (janitor) and Vernon (principal) are drinking beer and discussing these "kids today," think how our slacker generation didn't turn out that bad. Take that, Vernon!

************

It was a low-key birthday. It was one of those things I have been obsessing and thinking about for so long that it is almost anti-climactic. I had nothing planned. I decided I didn't want to do anything today, but a spa day is being planned for later this month. I'm going with birth-month, not just birth-day.

And after all that obsessing, turning 40 was kind of a relief, almost liberating. Kind of like turning 30, but different.

Ordering Coffee

I live in the land of fancy coffee. I drink black coffee. Just coffee. No sugar, no cream. Black.

How do you order black coffee in the Land of Coffee? "I need a 12 [or 16] ounce drip dark roast no room." The thing I refuse to do is use the stupid sizes--grande, tall, whatever. I don't know which one of those is a 12 or 16 ounce. I just know it's dumb. You know that scene in Role Models where Paul Rudd goes apeshit about ordering a large coffee? Yeah, that's how I feel about coffee sizes.

I need to be careful, though. I found out the best way to not blend in up in Canada is to order a 12 ounce coffee, because a 12 ounce coffee in Canada is a 375 milliliter coffee.

My point? I caught a Dunkin' Donuts commercial advertising a free medium coffee every Monday in March. And I thought, "What size is a medium?"

I'm doomed.

This Decade

Lots of people are writing top five or ten lists for the last decade. I don't have the energy to write a top whatever list, but I thought I would just list some notable events--good and bad.

People I've Lost
Jon
My Grandma
My Dad

These are three biggies. Jon's accident was in 1999, but he died in 2000. What a way to start the decade. But it was his death that made me realize I couldn't spend the rest of my life as it was. I was living in a town of 1000 people in central Wisconsin and working at a job I hated. That's when I decided it was time to go back to school.

My grandmother helped raise me. She meant the world to me. In 2000 she had brain surgery (she was 94). She lived for two more years. Her death broke my heart, but she was ready. And there is something comforting knowing that she did everything she wanted to do and she died when she was ready to go.

My dad. I started this blog three weeks before he died. I knew he wouldn't live through the year. I found out the Christmas before he died that he was having chest pains, shortness of breath, and other things that all pointed to the massive heart-attack that killed him. As much as we fought, it's amazing how much his death affected me. Three-and-a-half years later and it still does.

People I've Gained
My three nieces. My nephew was born January 1999. My brother refers to my nieces as "devil-nieces." They kind of are. But I only see them once a year so despite their screechiness and diva-tude, I think they are pretty amazing.

Friends. Friends in library school. Friends in Mississippi. I wish I could say I have gained friends where I am now, but I haven't, really. Leaving my friends in Mississippi was the hardest thing about moving. I knew it would be, but I never knew how hard. As I mentioned before, they were the best group of people I've had in my life since college.

Old friends. With the help of Facebook I have found several dear old friends and reunited with some of them. It's been really great to reconnect with these people fifteen+ years later. What's even more amazing is that it's like nothing has changed. When I think about it, this year has been the year of long-lost friends. I've been able to reconnect with many old friends. People I never knew I missed until I found them again.

Things I Did
I earned a master's degree. I moved from Wisconsin to Mississippi to Washington--all in about five years. It never seemed like a lot while I was in the middle of it, but looking back, it was. Big moves, big changes. The trip from Mississippi to Washington took five days. It was the most I had ever driven and the first time I'd ever driven across mountains. It was pretty damn cool. I moved to Washington hoping this was a place I could settle. It is a place I could settle. It's amazingly beautiful and even though the fog can be oppressive and this morning I laid in bed swearing because it was still dark at 8:00am, it's lovely. But, there are other reasons I may not be able to settle here, but not things I want to post on a blog. I will say I never thought I would get to this age without having a group of people around me. While I love this area, it's been damn near impossible to find my own people.

Went to Lambeau Field, Twice. Maybe not a big deal to everyone, but it is huge to me. Going to Lambeau in 2007 and then again in 2009 was amazing. I hope to make it an annual trip. I have been to three Packers' games over the last three years. One in Seattle and two in Green Bay. All fun, but nothing can ever compare to Lambeau.

Whale Watching. Seriously, it was awesome. If I could spend every waking moment on the water, I would.

I became a vegetarian (2000, I think. Maybe it was 1999. Honestly, it all blends together). And then a vegan (2008).