Y'all, I don't even know where to start.
We have an Elvis impersonator that comes to our library. He's a regular. He uses our computers for various and sundry things: Looking up pictures of Elvis, Elvis lyrics, and porn.
Yes, porn.
So imagine my surprise when Elvis made an appearance at our annual Christmas party. To sing. Dressed like Elvis. In a jumpsuit. Oh, god. Sally may have a talent show with praise dancing, but we have porn-loving Elvis. We win.
Elvis sang all kinds of things: "Blue Christmas," "Hound Dog," something else I don't know, something that started with "Dixie"... When it was asked if anyone had requests, ME shouted out, "Suspicious Minds." I glared at her. Elvis worked the crowd. Shaking hands, hugging people, clapping. I couldn't look at him because I was afraid that would be an invitation for him to touch me. He told us that if we "loved America and Christmas" to yell out "Merry Christmas." Oh dear lord.
I was told my face was bright red. It was bright red because not only do I know that Elvis looks at porn, I know what sites he looks at. I felt I kept my composure until he started in with "Burning Love." That's what killed me. A student worker took a picture with his camera phone and mumbled, "That's gonna be good." I asked for a copy because I knew no one was ever going to believe this.
Shortly after Elvis made his entrance, someone from access services (who knows what Elvis does in the library) said, "I feel like I'm at a strip club with my mother." I think I'd choose a strip club with my mom over Elvis and porn any day.
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