On Russia

I spent the last half of my undergraduate career studying Russian history, I had developed a strong interest in early 19th century Russian history--specifically Tsar Nikolas I. In my little apartment in the little aggie town where I attended college, I had a Soviet banner, a Soviet flag, a Russian flag, and various other forms of Soviet and Russian propaganda. I remember when a repairman came over to check my furnace or AC or something, I was very self-conscious of all my Soviet stuff. The Berlin Wall had come down and the Soviet Union had collapsed in the previous couple of years, but the Cold War died a slow death.

As the repairman warily eyed my Soviet wall hangings, I explained to him that I studied pre-Soviet Russian history but had returned from a recent trip to Russia where I had been able to buy the Soviet souvenirs for a few dollars. And, I told him, the flag wasn't "real." It was a hammer and sickle silk screened on red fabric and sold for $5 to tourists like me.

"There is no such thing as a fake flag," he said. Ah, got it. He was one of those. Great.

He fixed my furnace and moved on. I'm sure he just thought of me as another one of those weirdo pinko liberals associated with the "college" (as locals called the small university I attended). And he was probably right.

In the early 1990s, I would get defensive about studying Russian history, because I didn't feel like explaining why. But why did I study it? Because I loved it. Russia (and I use "Russia" to describe the region that is generally seen as the former Soviet Union) has an incredibly rich and interesting and fucked up history. It is full of drama and violence and various forms of ridiculousness. Now, my knowledge of Russia and Soviet studies pretty much stops in the early 90s and a lot has changed since then, but I know enough that I can make some educated guesses about what is going on. Because when it come down to it, The Soviet Union was just another form of autocracy that had been developed by the Romonavs and it always seems that there will always be a form of this in whatever government is in charge.

I've been thinking a lot about Russia lately. Mainly because of the Tsarnaev brothers and the Boston bombing. I know they probably identified as Chechens and Muslims more than Russians, but to me, Russia is still part of who they are.

As mentioned in an earlier post, as soon as I heard their names and "Russia" on the radio, I knew they were Chechens. It made sense. And to say I have been following the story closely is an understatement --because this isn't just a Muslim thing, this is a Russian thing. At least to me it is.

I really don't have anything to add to this story that hasn't already been said. I still want to know why. I still want to know how a kid goes from wrestling in the basement to planting bombs. I doubt we'll every completely know. But just like twenty years ago, I feel myself getting defensive of Russia. I feel myself wanting to explain what little I know about the Chechen region (which isn't a lot).

Russians (and the other various ethnicities that make up the former Soviet Union) have a strong and deep sense of pride. If you saw the brother's uncle angry about how they brought shame to the Chechen people, you've seen that pride on display, and it can be a blessing and a curse. And even though it's been twenty years since I spent almost every waking moment thinking about Russia--its history, its culture, and its future--I still feel something for the place. And as odd as it sounds, the Tsarnaev's actions are to me more than a bomb planted at a marathon that killed three and injured hundreds in an attempt to make a point related to religion. To me, I feel a sense of disappointment. Like their uncle said, they brought shame to a region that meant a lot to me. It's almost like an assault on someone I used to know and care about.

I know it is more complicated than that. Much, much more complicated. And I know, in the end, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. (I did read that one of their sisters used to live in my current town. This makes sense since we have a sizable Russian population--sizable enough that when the city puts out announcements they come out in English, Spanish, and Russian.)

I really don't know how to end this post. I have started it over several times over the last two days, but I can never really get it to come together they way I want it to. But, really, I feel the need to say something about this but what that is, I don't know.