I Can't See Myself at 30

My t-shirt from R.E.M.'s Green World tour in 1989. I wore it until it fell apart... and then some.

I don't think any band has influenced my life as much as R.E.M. They introduced me to the world of music that was not power pop or hair metal. Throughout my life I have met numerous people because of this band and several of them have become some of my closest friends.

For years it was tradition that I go to R.E.M. concerts with the same three friends. Once we got older and moved on with our lives it became more difficult. But, I have always seen R.E.M. live with one of three people.

This isn't the only band that has gotten me through all of the rough periods of my life, but they got me through some of the most difficult. Some of their songs have been instrumental in my life. Very simply put, I may have started listening to R.E.M. before I turned 20, but they were the soundtrack of my 20s--the ups and the downs.

I can quote them at random. I will drop R.E.M. references without even thinking about it. When I interviewed at Ye Olde University, Frenchie asked me, a Yankee, if I had ever seen kudzu before. My response, "Well, I am an R.E.M. fan." And she respoded, "Oh, then you know what it looks like." I remember turning to look at her and saying something like, "I'm not sure what worries me more, that you knew what I meant or that I know what you mean."

The cover of Murmur and my only exposure to kudzu until I moved south.

Musically, R.E.M. isn't half the band it used to be. I'm not one of those R.E.M. fans who think that their good work limited to their IRS albums. It is some of their best work, and Chronic Town (their first EP) and Murmur (their first LP) contain some of their best work. They're one of those bands that has always been fighting against the critical success of their first full-length album. But, Document and New Adventures in Hi-Fi, which were on the Warner Bros. label, are two of their strongest albums. Of their "newer" albums, New Adventures is one of my favorites. When New Adventures came out in the mid-90s, I thought it was a great combo of their earlier sound and their "newer" sound. Of course, the "newer" sound was the grungier sound of Monster and is probably considered by some to be their old sound. Automatic for the People, the favorite of many, is good. It's great, even. But it's one of those albums that carries so much emotional baggage for me that I can barely listen to it. It was one of the reasons I rarely listened to it when it came out, and why I can't remember the last time I heard it. It's just too hard.

Technically, R.E.M. is 3/4 of the band they used to be. The departure of Bill Berry, in my opinion, made a huge difference in their sound. Up, the first album post-Berry, is the best of what I consider their third phase (Phase 1: the IRS years; Phase 2: The Warner Years w/Berry; Phase 3: Post-Berry). As an Über Fan, Up was a difficult album to hear, but I grew to like it. And when I listen to it now, it is apparent it is the album of a band struggling to stay together. The albums since Up have been borderline terrible. And the older I got, the older R.E.M. got, the less important they became to me and my life.

But I can't deny how important they have been to me.

Thirty years ago today, Berry, Buck, Mills, and Stipe played together in an old rundown church in Athens, Georgia, and R.E.M. was born. One of my favorite R.E.M. songs has always been "Little America." Like almost every other R.E.M. fan out there, the first line of that song has been running through my head all day:

"I can't see myself at 30."

Happy Birthday, R.E.M. Thank you for some amazing music.

My Green World Tour T-shirt died long ago yet I won't get rid of it. That's devotion.