You Know You're Short When...

• You are sitting on a turboprop airplane and realize that your heals are a half an inch off the floor. And then, out of curiosity, you take your Danskos off to see if you can still touch the floor (since Danskos give you a couple of inches of height), and the balls of your feet barely skim the floor.

• You begin wonder if it would be too much to ask for there to be a stepstool in airport bathrooms so you don't have to lean across the wet counter to wash your hands.

• On the same note, you wonder if the hotel has a stepstool for the bathroom sink because the counter is higher than your waist.

So, on my flight today there was This Guy. This Really Annoying Guy. Not only was he annoying but he looked and sounded like John Bolton. And it wasn't John Bolton because John Bolton wouldn't be flying coach out of Memphis. But not only did he look like John Bolton, he had one of those rolly carts for his ginormous briefcase as well as his plastic grocery bag of (smelly) snacks. And his inhaler. I traveled with this guy today. Not on purpose, but wherever I went, there he was. I was in line behind him for a bagel and coffee this morning. He sat in front of me on flight number one. He sat behind me while waiting for flight number two. And on flight number two? He was seated behind me. Thank god I didn't have to sit next to him.

But what really made him annoying? He used the words "big bird" and "little bird" to describe big airplanes and little airplanes. He didn't just use them once, though. He used them again and again. "When you're going from a little bird to a big bird, it can be a problem, but from a little bird to little bird? That's easy." I had to restrain myself from laughing, snorting, and rolling my eyes -- all at the same time. Then there was the part of me that either wanted to turn around and tell him to shut up and/or slap him across the back of the head for being such an annoying human being.

When we reached the final destination he was yapping with the young woman at the Avis car rental counter. Luckily, I was picking up a National rental car so I didn't have to wait in line behind him.