So...... It's been just over a year since I went vegan. I know there are thing I have eaten that were not 100% vegan. Some of them I knew about and I am sure there are others I did not.
But, see, this weekend I was in Missouri for a symposium. Because it was held at my alma mater, I was able to see some of my oldest and dearest friends. But more on that later.
But, see, I went to this restaurant. A friend thought given the size of the menu, I would be able to find something. I didn't. I knew I wouldn't. But I was one of a group and I knew finding anything in this small, midwestern town. I don't want to portray this small town as ignorant or backwards, but having worked in a restaurant in this town and growing up in the area, I know how these places work.
It's a Friday night in this small town and this is an incredibly popular restaurant. They make some of their food on site, but a lot of it comes from Sysco. This isn't a high-end place. Their goal is to give their customer old-fashioned middle-America food that sticks to the ribs and is a value. And asking lots of questions on a busy Friday night is not welcome.
The first time I asked a question, the waitress was accommodating. But every time after that I got, "I don't know." Followed by a slight pause and then, "Oh, do you want me to ask?" I knew asking more questions would just irritate her. These types of places aren't known for their high-end customer service.
There were things on the menu that looked promising: salads, baked potatoes, veggies... but having worked in several restaurants like that, I knew these simple things created other questions: does the salad dressing have egg in it? Are the baked potatoes pre-buttered or are their treated in any way before they are baked? Are the steamed veggie cooked ahead of time and then covered in butter? I ask, because I know how midwesterners cook.
Finally, someone I was with noticed there was an "Asian stir-fry" available. Several of them asked some questions for me, like what was in the sauce? According to the waitress, they made the sauce. I knew that meant they opened up some pre-made ingredients and mixed them together.
I gave up and ordered that. When it arrive at the table it was on noodles. I assumed "Asian stir-fry" meant it was on rice. I knew from asking about the marinara sauce and noodles, they were made with eggs. I considered sending it back, but by that time I was tired. I was tired of trying to find something. I was tired of explaining myself. This wasn't like trying to be a vegetarian and getting frustrated. This was different. This was more along the lines of "Why do I do this?" And, "What does this mean to me?"
I became a vegan because it seemed right. And it has helped me eat healthier (well, kind of healthy, I have been discovering vegan junk food). And it's my life and my diet. And I know that because of my decisions, there are some things and some places that aren't available to me. But I am beginning to think I will never be able to leave the coast and when I travel I can only travel to big cities.
Some people may not think this is a big deal, but most of my family and my roots are in small town America, and I'm beginning to feel like I have little choice but to ignore them. I don't like that, and I don't want to ignore them.
Then, today, I was stuck in the student union in a situation where I needed lunch quickly and nothing but some crappy sushi was available. They only offer vegan food on the other side of campus (this is a recent change). And then I ate wasabi with milk in it.
All of this, combined with my other food frustration... Well, it just made me wonder if it was worth it.
Is it? I think it still is, but sometimes I wish it weren't so hard.
3 comments:
It sounds similar to trying to keep kosher. Don't get down about it, YL. You're just a human trying to make the best choices for yourself in a world that doesn't always offer what you want. That doesn't mean it's a bad world, or that you're a bad Vegan, if you have to make compromises every once in a while. Control what you can (you own choices), and don't sweat the stuff you can't!
That's what I keep telling myself: Do the best I can, that's all I can do. I know.
I don't think others are bad, but I know how annoying it can be to people to have one person asking a million questions.
My theory is that the only way I could be 100% vegan is if I lived in a shack in the woods what I built myself. But still... it's frustrating.
It also makes me appreciate where I live more and more.
I have another friend who just celebrated her first anniversary as a vegan (Vegaversary?) and decided to celebrate by getting Indian food from the new restaurant in her tiny college town (not Ye Olde Campus, by the way). And mainly because she doesn't like me pointing out supposedly vegan things which are actually not fully vegan (odd that I know these things as a carnivore - well, omnivore), she emphatically stated she did not want anyone to tell her if there was anything animal in her vegetable dish. So, I won't mention that ghee that might be in there.
I would think in your neck of the woods vegan options would be easier to come by, and even in your old hometown stomping grounds, you should be able to have a little easier time of it. I'm sorry it's such a pain in the ass.
One of these days we'll actually have those Star Trek Replicators that will allow us to get the food we want when we want and with the exact ingredients we need.
Until then, like pickles said, do the best you can. Just remember you have more willpower and resolve than most people. You've done so well the past year.
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